TechPaladin Printing

Oh, Windows

So I figured out how how to get the Apple Wireless Keyboard I wrote about earlier working in Windows. It turns out that there’s this checkbox that comes unchecked by default that you have to check off in order for it to pair correctly. The checkbox is labeled something like “allow Bluetooth devices to find this computer”. As soon as I checked that off, the pairing process completed successfully and I was able to use the keyboard fully.

Now, my burning question is this: What in God’s almighty antfarm possessed Microsoft to not only put in a checkbox upon which hinges the success of all Bluetooth-related functionality, but also which comes unchecked by default!?! I mean, I can see why you might want to have a “turn off Bluetooth” checkbox or button or whatnot, because keeping the Bluetooth antenna on costs battery power, and sometimes you need to conserve every last drop of it.

The infuriating checkbox present in Windows’ Bluetooth setup control panel affects no hardware, so it exists simply to stymie the efforts of Bluetooth device-owners! I mean, it’s as if there were a checkbox entitled “prevent keyboard from registering input” in the keyboard control panel that came checked! What possible reason would exist to justify such a self-mutilatory feature? None that I’m aware of, save to increase the salaries of doctors who specialize in the treatment of hair-tearing-related injuries.

So at least the keyboard functions. Now that that’s out of the way, I can talk about how well it works in Windows. Really, it’s not so bad. The keys depress and text even appears in response! Like in OS X, there’s zero input lag; not even when you first use it after a period of inactivity. Sadly, the F keys’ special features are unavailable, and there didn’t seem to be any Windows drivers for them. Since we all know Apple is capable of writing Windows software, would it kill them to write some of it for their newest keyboard? I think plenty of Windows users would enjoy this magnificent input device, and all they’re doing is closing themselves off from larger markets by doing so. I mean, the Airport Extreme Base Station includes Windows utilities for administering it, so what’s the justification for omitting the same for this product? Shame on them.

But there’s a final snag–one that I was so unprepared for that it made me chuckle in my shock and amusement. What’s coming next is the kind of background-information anecdote that’s sufficiently idiosyncratic as to make it perfectly obvious what it’s about to introduce, but here goes anyway:

I love the caps lock key. Yes, that’s right–the one key people go on mad crusades against and put up websites advocating a ban of their usage. No, I don’t find myself needing more capital letters than most, nor am I one of those freakazoids who rapidly toggles it on and off rather than using the shift key. No, since I was young, I’ve realized it was a fairly useless key–one that few would lament its hypothetical passing. I also realized something else: it had a light on it. And the light would turn on and off if you pressed it. And it would blink if you pressed the key both fast enough.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

You see, the caps lock is a stress reliever of sorts for me. I’ll just compulsively press it every once in a while a number of times equal to a power of two. Or six. Whichever I feel like. I’m not OCD, really!

Needless to say, Windows decided that my keyboard should cease to function when I press the caps lock key. I don’t really know what to say. All the other keys work, and perhaps this is some mysterious technology-based higher power trying to get me to mend my eccentric ways. Maybe it’s just rotten luck. All I can say is that the first time My Favorite Key is pressed, the keyboard loses all signal for 5 to 10 seconds. It’s endlessly frustrating since most of time time I’m unaware I’m even pressing the dreaded key until I realize no letters are forming on the screen!

I really hope I find out some way to bypass this almost laughable quirk, because that’s all it is–an unfortunate quirk adrift among the endless sea of Windows-related quirks with no practical solution that doesn’t involve installing third-party software that sticks itself in the System Tray as well as Windows Explorer’s context menu and announces its failures with garish dialog boxes that can’t leave the boundaries of their parent windows. Because that’s one thing I just can’t do.

In the meantime, I’ll put up with this oddity the way I put with all of Windows’ endless oddities–by telling myself the it’s worth it for the access to games. Oh, Windows, the glorified game console. At least I can use my new keyboard to play your games now. As long as I avoid the caps lock key, that is.

Tagged with:

Categorised as: Uncategorized