TechPaladin Printing » Funny

I think I just found the most insane commenter on the whole internet

Nathaniel — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 18:50:05 +0000

On an article about a privacy flaw in the HTC Droid Incredible, some genius decided to post this brilliant series of comments:

And 13 people have fanned this guy. Wow.

I need to post this RIGHT NOW

Nathaniel — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:58:15 +0000

Maybe I’ll comment later but the most important thing is that I get this up here THIS SECOND!

defendant has no brains.

Nathaniel — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 06:32:25 +0000

I gotta say, it’s pretty true. He took her Pell Grant money to buy… well… just watch it!

Secret Chinese Enlightenment

Nathaniel — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:08:15 +0000

One of my all-time favorite parts of the video game Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines is an old Chinese man who offers to tell your fortune when you visit Chinatown. The guy’s a total caricature, but so are a lot of people in the game, and he’s pretty hilarious. The little guy goes, “Hey you! You want your fortune read? You give me five dollar, I give you ‘secret chinese enlightenment.’ Only stupid person not want to know future!” Of course, you can’t help but give him the money, and each time you do, he tosses out a real gem of fortune telling.

The reason for this post is because I was recently reminiscing about my last playthrough and I tried Googling for a list of all the funny things he says. Alas, the internet failed me and I couldn’t find anything! My wife happened to be playing the game today, so I got her to let me write down the guy’s words as she fed him fivers. So here is my immortal contribution to the internet: a list of the guy’s fortunes.

That guy you work with? Yeah, he take all credit for your idea!
You see orange cat on Tuesday! Woah, that bad! Call doctor!
One year from this day, you going to get mysterious package! DON’T OPEN! Music club will own your ass then!
Here your lucky numbers. WRITE DOWN I not repeat! Here go: 11, 17, 25, 93, 11, and, uh 62.
Next time you get on plane, change seat to exit row. This make sure you not sit next to big fatass!
You going to go to fancy restaurant. You going to order snails. DON’T EAT THEM! That disgusting! Snail very dirty!
Ahh, love will find you next week. Don’t stay in love too long; husband find you too!
You going to get a visitor at your door next week. DON’T OPEN DOOR! It Jehovah witness! They so annoying!

Evolve!

Nathaniel — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:35:26 +0000

That is all.

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon

Nathaniel — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:15:54 +0000

Well, that was ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back, but somehow I don’t mind!

SPOOOOOOON!

I would laugh, but it’s true

Nathaniel — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:08:07 +0000

Thought for the day

Nathaniel — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 05:45:36 +0000

A nice frenetic way to relax

Nathaniel — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:07:36 +0000

Do you like Starcraft? Do you like witty humor? What about sitting in your chair and watching things? Well then I’ve got the YouTube channel for you! I’ve recently started watching HuskyStarcraft’s Starcraft game commentaries, and he’s amazing!

First, a word about competitive Starcraft. You sort of have to be obsessed with the game to catch what’s going on, since the players’ styles are so, er, “non-traditional.” Which brings me to me next point: it sometimes feels less like they’re playing Starcraft and more like some sort of elaborate Korean real-time chess with guns. And flying mouths that explode then they bump into things, that too. But you’ll remember just what game it is as soon as the phalanxes of Dragoons start erupting into piles of blue goop.

Being a big Starcraft gamer myself, it’s amazing to see how these guys have managed to wring every last drop of competitiveness out of units that, on the face of it, seem sort of mediocre (scourge, corsairs, etc). And then there’s the fact they just friggin’ click hundreds of times per minute. Husky’s commentaries on top of all of this are just gold!

There are some truly epic matches. Like this one (just wait till you get to the triple recall):

Seriously, I laughed until I cried

Nathaniel — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 06:50:01 +0000